Soft Melody
by olivialovesbooks
Summary: As a depressed little girl, being on your own during the apocalypse isn't ideal, but she's going to make it through alone. After what happened at home, she would never trust an adult again. When she gets sucked into Rick Grimes' group, everything changes. (This starts when they are at Hershel's farm after Carl gets shot.)
1. Chapter 1

I'm running. Lurkers trail behind me as I try to get away from them. With my speed and agility that comes from being a child, not yet a teenager, they will never get to me. It sounds just like me and my father's relationship. He can try to  
get to me, but he will never succeed.

I turn to hide behind a tree when they are far enough behind, which was stupid, because after living by myself for a year through the apocalypse, I knew they could smell me. As soon as they went past me, they turned right back around and  
went in my direction. There were those few that were dumb enough to go past me, but their brains don't work, so I guess they are all dumb. But that doesn'tmatter. Only the fact that _I_ was stupid does.

What can I say? It was a point of weakness. I thought I was going to die, so I did what would work for any _living_ person. I groan as I pull the my father's knife, the only thing I remembered to grab before I ran away from home,  
out of my pocket and thrust it as hard as I can into their heads. I kill the ones closest to me and they try to kill me, but I don't hesitate to kill them first. As soon as I get through those, I squeeze my way through them. They turned their gory  
heads towards me, but they don't realize what happened fast enough. I'm already far and gone when they start to follow.

I sprint, branches from low, sagging trees either cutting my face or getting caught in my hair. I sprint until I collapse into a breathless little heap. I sit up, and wipe my forehead, and slip the knife back into my back pocket. The bottoms  
of my jeans are ripped up, and my shirt has a few holes here and there. It doesn't matter how I look. Nobody will see me anyway.

I could see a little pristine house house off in the distance, but as far as I knew, it was overrun by lurkers. I'm still trying to catch my breath when I see a good tree that I could climb and rest in without getting bit. I let out a little  
sigh, heave myself up, and start to climb.

I barely notice the pain in my hands when I grip the tree bark. The pain has become normal for me. Every night, I would take out my knife and slice into my hands just because I was bored. At first it was a once in a while thing. Then, it  
became routine. If I didn't do it, I wouldn't feel right.

I glance at my small bag of items that I found on the way to where I was going, which I didn't know where that was. I was so parched. I took out the spile that I found in an abandoned home that I had reluctantly went into. I stabbed it into  
the tree and waited for the water to spill out.

I tense when I hear a twig snap. I wait for the lurker to walk past my hiding spot, confused as hell looking for my scent, but it never did.

Instead, I see a man that I don't recognize step out from behind a tree. His expression was expectant, like he wants me to come down, like he wants me to show myself. He had a gun on him, and my plans for the day did not include being murdered  
by a man that wanted to make a trade or something. I held my hands up in a way that says "I'm innocent!" and make my way down, but not before taking the smallest sip of water and taking the spile out of the tree. I wanted to make sure that he knew  
that I don't trust anyone. Before I could even put a foot on the ground, someone yanked hard on my ankle, and I went sliding down the bark, getting even more cuts and scrapes. My leg twisted in a way that should never be twisted, so I knew it was  
broken. The pain. In my head I felt pain. Pain that someone my age should never have to experience. I screamed out in agony as my head pounded. Someone was hitting me repeatedly. As soon as I heard his voice, I almost lost my mask of fierceness that  
I always had on, whether it was him, my dad, or everybody else.

"Melanie. You skipped out on a few daily beatings from me and Dad, but I'm sure we can get caught up. This one doesn't count. It was too easy." My brother chuckled a little bit, kicking my injured leg.

I squirmed underneath him, but he wouldn't let me go. He grabbed onto a chunk of my long, golden brown hair and yanked as hard as he could as I bit my lip so I wouldn't make any more noise than I already had made. He found the knife that  
I had in my pocket. _Another one of my stupid mistakes!_ I mentally yelled at myself. Just as he was running the blade along my arm, slightly pressing into it so blood would flower down my forearm, a gunshot went off, making him collapse  
onto me, the extra weight was almost unbearable on my leg. I moaned as black starbursts danced across my vision, and I could just hear before passing out, footsteps running toward me. _The man! I thought he was helping my brother! Oh my God maybe he still is._ I  
thought I would never know. I thought I was dead. Little did I know that I was in for a hell of a lot morethan that.

* * *

I woke up in the corner of a small room. I was in a sort of cot, even though I could see through the open doors, that there were beds in the other rooms. _My father sure does love me._ I laughed internally at that. I frowned  
when I noticed the cast on my leg. _My dad wouldn't ever do that. He hates me too much. So... where the hell was I?_

 __

An old man with whitish hair stepped into my room and I tensed. I wouldn't be able to run away, but I would put up a fight. The man that I saw out in the woods followed behind, along with a woman with short brown hair. _I might not have died out there, but I sure amgoing to now._

 __

"What did she say her name was?" The woman asked.

" _She_ didn't say anything. Her attacker said it." The woods man said.

"Then what is her name?" The woman asked, clearly annoyed by his answer.

"Melanie. Her name is Melanie." He said. The old man came around to my side and gave me a glass of water. When I didn't take it, he set it on the nightstand next to me.

"We don't know if we can trust her." He said. "But it's obvious she doesn't trust us."

"You think she would allow somebody to break her leg just so she could spy on us? That's not right, Dad. It's terrible. She's only a little girl."

"Maggie's right, she wouldn't just stage an attack that almost cost her her life."

"Melanie, how are you?" The woman said, changing subjects. I nodded my head. "That's not an answer." Tears filled my eyes as her tone matched my dad's when he would get mad at me for no reason. It didn't matter. He would beat me anyway whether  
I did do it or not. The tears spilled over my cheeks. Memories. They always bit me in the butt.

"I'm okay, I guess." I croaked, still parched, while wiping at my eyes, but the tears wouldn't stop. The water was still next to me, but I didn't trust them. They could be anyone. That water might be fatal.

They forced it down my throat anyways. I swallowed, not wanting to choke, but not wanting to provoke them. The cold, water felt good on the walls of my throat, but if I was right, I would be dead at any second.

"My name is Hershel, Melanie. We're not going to hurt you, not unless you hurt us." I nodded my head. "Glenn, Maggie, you don't have to be in here if you don't want." To me, Hershel was just stating the obvious. Nobody had to be anywhere  
if they didn't want to.

Neither of them moved from their spots. I noticed my bag sitting on the other side of the room, and my knife was on Glenn. I looked down.

"Let me change the bandage on your arm. Then I'll be done. Is that all right, Melanie?" I nodded again, not caring what happened now. I held out my left arm, the one that was cut, and he gently peeled off the old, bloody bandage to replace  
it. I watched the whole thing, so if I lived, I would know how to change bandages.

It was done just like that. I felt no pain, none at all. There was a small throbbing in my knee, which was probably where he break was at. My eyelids started to droop. I was so tired. _Maybe I'm dead. One year on my own was good, but now It doesn't matter. I'm already dead._

 __

"Alright. We'll let you rest, Melanie. But we're watching you. Watching you closely."

 _Huh. So maybe I'm not dead._

 __

I wasn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry it's so short, just thought I could get more caught up with the show so I can get my facts right. Lol**

When I woke, I felt like I was wound into the tightest ball that anyone could curl into, aside from the fact that I couldn't bend my right leg, so it was more like a half ball, but whatever. I could hear people outside in the hall. I kept

my eyes closed, kept my breathing steady, and pretended I was asleep, something I'd perfected when my father would hold a gun over my head if I wasn't asleep within the thirty minutes he gave me to go to sleep.

"She's only a kid!" Maggie. They are probably talking about the same thing they were talking about last night. "How did she survive this long on her own?" I guess not.

"Are you sure you saw her alone?" This voice sounds familiar but I can't put a name with it. I've heard it, but not here. It's female. Probably one of my dad's "prizes", but I can't be sure.

"I'm certain." Glenn. "Her footsteps sounded like Sophia's, so I followed them." I knew a Sophia once. She was my only friend.

"Footsteps don't have a voice, Glenn."

"Well, they sounded like a little girl's footsteps."

"She's not much younger than Carl, if not the same age." Carl? The voice was male, but I didn't know him either.

"Dad, whatever you do, don't kill her. This world is shitty enough already. We don't need to bring killing children into it." She has a sweet voice, and she sounds young.

"I'm going in there. See you in a minute." And the older girl stepped through the door.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Carol?" I croak.

"Melanie!" She quickly went to my side.

I nod my head and wrap my arms around her waist and she wraps hers around my shoulders. She strokes my hair, her fingers getting caught in the knots,I can feel tears stinging my eyes, but I'm not an emotional person, so I'm able to

hold them, back.

"I haven't seen you in so long." I mutter, letting go of her. "Is Sophia here?" Her face crumpled, and my heart dropped.

"She went missing. We've been looking, but nobody has seen anything."

"I'm so sorry." I say quietly. My only friend. Carol's daughter. The person I could tell anything to. The only person I told about the abuse. She's gone.

I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my face. She sat down against the wall next to my cot.

"Are they really thinking about killing me?"

"No. They never did." I nod my head.

A blond girl opens the door and peeks her head in. "Dad! Carol knows her!"

I smirk, knowing the moment would never have lasted for long.


	3. Chapter 3

I watch as more people, some I know, some I don't, gather around in the room. One guy is very pale and has a bandage on his arm. Blood. He had recently given blood. I know that _that_ place on the arm would only be bandaged for giving  
blood, otherwise it would be soaked in it. Someone else is here. Perhaps it's-

"How do you know Carol?" The girl, who'd introduced herself as Beth, said.

"Sophia. She was my friend. I..." I trailed off, about to say that I would take a beating for her, that I _did_ take beatings for her, but fearing that they would pity me. I hate pity. Pity would mean they grow attached to me, and when  
I leave they will protest. I don't want trouble. I just want to get healed up, so I can go back on my own.

Carol's face is full of grief. I feel terrible for bringing it up, but a kid like me is gonna wanna know about her best friend. I bend my leg up to my chest and wrap my arms around it, resting my chin on my knee cap. I take a deep breath  
and wait for the interrogation to continue.

"How long have you been alone?" A woman with brown curly hair asks, her arms crossed over her chest.

"My whole life. But if you mean through the apocalypse, then the whole time." I mutter, just where they can hear.

She nods her head. "How?" The man with the bandage questions.

I shrug my shoulders. "Like everyone else has."

"How old are you?"

For reasons they don't understand, this question hits me hard. I wince, then cringe at my emotions. "I don't know. I never have."

They stare at me, confused. I stay silent. I don't want them to know about my family. Pity. I won't take it.

"It doesn't matter."

More questions come, and I answer, and eventually, the brown haired girl, the pale man, and Hershel leave the room, Hershel mentioning checking on Carl. This sparks the curiosity in me again.

"Who is Carl?" I ask quietly.

 _Silence._ The silence is pounding. They weren't this quiet when I told them about Sophia. Why are they so quiet now?

"He's a kid, 'bout your age. He was shot." Glenn answers, and I nod. I hear a car pull up outside and Itense. More people. It was already scary for me. It just got even scarier.

Everyone got up quickly to see whoever it was that pulled up. I glance out of the window as everyone, even the man and the woman greets the single person. He is hugged, and then when they pull back, he hesitantly shakes his head. I listen  
very closely and I hear, "Don't tell Patricia yet. We need her for the surgery." Hershel says it. The man throws a bag to him and they make their way back into the house. Nobody comes back into my room. There is a small pain in my back, probably from  
the way I slept, but I don't fall back asleep. Instead I do the only thing that would take me away from the abuse, aside from reading a Russian book.

I sing.

I haven't done it in so long, because I was afraid the lurkers would hear. It doesn't sound as good as my mother's singing, but I don't care. It's in my bloodline. The bloodline that I care about. My mom's sisters and mother were all great  
singers, and I couldn't even dream of being as good as they are. I don't care. It makes me feel safe. I sing the most gorgeous song I've ever heard. _Angel_ by Sarah McLachlan.

It would have sounded better with piano, but I couldn't walk around to see if they had one, so I stayed in the cot and swung myself a little bit.

 _In the arms of the angel_

 _Fly away from here_

 __

 _From this dark, cold hotel room_

 __

 _And the endlessness that you feel_

 __

 _You are pulled from the wreckage_

 __

 _Of your silent reverie_

 __

 _You're in the arms of the angel_

 __

 _May you find some comfort here_

 __

I continue in the verses before seeing the brown haired woman in the hall.

"That was beautiful." I blush and nod my head.

"Thank you." I say quietly. She smiles and comes to stand next to me.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm good." I answer quickly, remembering the last time someone asked that question and I used the answer I always used, and they scared me.

"I'm Lori."

"I'm Melanie." I look at her closely and then remember her walking out to check on this kid. He was probably hers. "Shouldn't you be with Carl?"

"He's in surgery. I couldn't watch that. I heard you singing and thought I would listen to more. I'm sorry if I messed it up." I shook my head.

"I was just bored."

" _Lori! We need you for a minute!"_ She glances at the door and then looks back at me.

"Get some rest, Melanie. We might need you tomorrow."

After she walks out, I stare at where she went. _Need me? With a broken leg?_

That is the only thing I think about before falling into a dreamless sleep.

Besides Sophia. My friend Sophia is missing. Gone.


	4. Chapter 4

They did need me. Not for hunting, or cooking, or whatever, but for a funeral type thing. I didn't know the man, but everyone else knew him as Otis, or "The Guy Who Shot Carl". Carol told me all that, and she also told me that Carl woke up  
for a few minutes after I fell asleep, but he had a seizure. She was a little emotional about it all, probably because Sophia was still missing, and she was talking about someone else's kid.

Carol also gave me the crutches that I would need to get around. I was wobbly at first, and she stayed there, trying to make sure that I wouldn't fall. I got used to them pretty quickly, though I had never had them before, despite all of  
the sprains and fractures I've had. I kind of had to tough it out all of those times.

Carol went off to help with breakfast, and left me on my own. I didn't know what to do. I had a little panic attack when she just told me she'd talk to me later, but I held my breath until she was gone. I filled my lungs with air, and then  
I was back to my normal state. If there had been anyone standing around me, they would probably look at me like I was crazy.

Maybe I was.

I used my time alone to explore the house. I kept my head down, my matted up hair swaying in my face with every 'step' that I took. It wasn't like anyone wouldn't know who it was. With the clunking of the crutches, everybody would hear if  
they were in the house. I peered into the bedroom across the hall from where I slept. It was Carl. He was pale, and he had a thick bandage on his stomach. His darkbrown hair was swept up off of his face.

I frowned in sympathy and stopped looking through the open door. I walked through the living room, and into something amazing.

There was a piano on the far side of the room. It was the first one Ihad seen since I was smaller, and it was _beautiful._ I made my way over to it. I ran my fingers across the keys, without making a sound. I pressed down on a key,  
and the sound brought tears to my eyes. My mother had one, and she played it all the time. She taught me how to play one song before my dad found it out in the woods while looking for my mom and destroyed it. I never saw my mom happy again, and I  
started looking up videos on how to know which keys were which, and how to play _In the Arms of the Angel._ Every other song, I can just know the melody, and it flows through my fingers.

I turn to see if anyone was looking, then turn back and sit on the stool that was pulled away from it. I turned a little bit to the right, so I could leave my leg out in the open without anything in its way. I smiled to myself, and played  
the song I found a few years back, when people would stare at me if I asked them for sad music. _Alyssa Lies by John Michael Carroll._

 __

 _Alyssa lies_

 __

 _To the classroom_

 __

 _Alyssa lies_

 __

 _Everyday at school_

 __

 _Alyssa lies_

 __

 _To the teachers_

 __

 _As she tries to cover every bruise_

 __

I was in tears by the end of the song. I hated myself for it. The girl dies, her friend asks her dad where she is when her dad went to school with her to report her abuse, and her dad has to tell her that

 _She doesn't lie_

 __

 _Inthe classroom_

 __

 _She doesn't lie_

 __

 _Anymore at school_

 __

 _Alyssa lies_

 __

 _With Jesus_

 __

 _Because there's nothing_

 __

 _That anyone would do._

 __

I hastily wiped the tears off my face. Embarrassment. That's what I felt. I never cried. If I did, I had a good reason. Not even the bruises made me cry. At first they did. But they stopped once I realized it was never going to stop.

No matter how hard I tried to calm down, I couldn't. My cheeks were heated and I just let them flow. I watched as tears landed on my shorts. I played a soft song, not necessarily sad, but it was a soft melody. I was originally supposed to  
be named Melody. My dad said he would kill me and my mother if she named me that. She went for Melanie since it was so close to it. She would call me Mel.

Somebody came into the room. I put my head in my hands and didn't look to see who it was. They didn't go away. They leaned against the wall and stayed there. I looked up and turned to them. It was Beth. She smiled at me, and I looked down.

"So you like to sing?" I nodded. "I do too. Come on. Breakfast is ready"

I grabbed my crutches and stood up and followed her to the kitchen. Carol was just cleaning up. "Why don't you take it outside and meet everybody else. After you're done we'll have Otis' funeral." Carol handed me a plate with very little  
food on it. I took it gratefully after surviving off of terrible things for so long.

I went outside and I realized this is the house I saw when I was out in the woods. I ate the food quickly and discarded the plate. I didn't introduce myself to anyone. They all probably knew I was the dumb girl who was almost beaten to death.  
It was true. I didn't learn anything in school. I never knew my birthday. I just kind of picked a day (or two) every year.

My knee was hurting but I knew better than to complain. I made my way over to the place where a few people were standing around a mound of dirt. There was no body. I knew what this meant. He was eaten. _Poor guy._ They all had a rock  
of dirt in their hands, so I followed along. It was hard to bend down, but it was possible.

One by one, people said good things about the man and threw the dirt onto the mound. I said "I didn't know him, but I'm sure he was a great man." It was sort of true. I still didn't know who to trust.

"Shane, will you please tell me about his death?" A girl with tears rolling down her face said.

"I don't think so." The guy that I saw last night said. He had shaved his head.

"Please! I need to know his death had meaning!" Everyone was still looking down. Not me. I kept looking at his face. For a split second, a look crossed his face. A look only I could know because I had seen it before. Too many times.

Otis hadn't died a hero. Shane had killed him. And if he didn't kill him, he hurt him, and then he had died.

Trust. We all need it. If we don't have it, you can't live with anyone. You would be alone. I don't trust him. I looked back down at the dirt and waited. Every time I find people, something bad happens. Now I know. When I'm better, I'll leave.  
Carol won't miss me. I just need to stay away from everyone.

I don't have trust for anyone.  
 _  
_

 __


	5. Chapter 5

Carl was on his feet a couple of days after the funeral, and everyone else went on their usual schedule of ignoring me, unless they needed to interact with me for some reason. It was actually better for me that way. I didn't want to talk  
to anyone I didn't want to.

I felt trapped. I wanted to leave- _needed_ to leave. Somebody was tricking me, I knew it. Shane had lies to everybody about Otis, and who knew what else he had hidden.

 _He could have killed Sophia._

 __

I dismissed that thought as soon as it came to mind. These vile thoughts could get me killed. _It would get me out of the group._ I scolded myself. My brain was going round and round like a carousel.

I looked down at my arm and stared at it for a second. I ripped off the bandage to reveal a puffy pink scar. It went nicely with the other marks on my arms.

I was surprised when I caught people staring at me. Did Carol know about my past? Had she told?

Later in the day, Carl asked who I was. I looked down and quietly said "Melanie."

He squinted as if trying to read all my secrets on the outside. _As if I would let-._ His eyes lingered on my uncovered scars. If we were playing _Never Have I Ever_ , if someone were to say "Never Have I Ever accidentally shown someone  
my scars and or bruises, I would have to put a finger down.

My cheeks heated up as I made an attempt to cover them. It didn't matter, the damage had already been done, so I swung both arms to my sides as I whispered "It's nothing. Not anymore." He seemed confused, I would be too, so I knew he was  
going to ask.

"How did you get here?" _All of my judgements since I've been here have been wrong!_

 __

My heart stopped racing, and my face went back to its original color. "I was attacked." I said simply. He nodded his motioned for me to follow him.

"Come on." He turned around and walked off. I hesitated, but my curiosity got the better of me.

He took me to a couple of logs with an unlit fire in front of them. He sat down and I sat next to him, my injured leg straightened, and my crutches laying next to me on the ground. I could see a couple of tents, but they were empty of people.

"So... What doesn't matter anymore?" _There it is._

 __

The question I've been dreading for years. The question that I've only answered once. The question thatsanswer spilled out of my mouth once it got the chance.

The words ran into one sentence as I relived the years I had spent in that hellhouse. "My dad was an alcoholic, and my brother, Jeffery, wanted to be the best of us, so he did whatever my dad said, which was usually 'go hit her' or something  
like that, and my dad would do worse, like cutting me, throwing me, and holding guns on me, stuff like that, but my mom never did anything to me, and- Shit." I looked down and bit my tongue so I wouldn't say anything else that had worked so hard to  
keep a secret. Carl was concerned, and I wiped my fave of any emotions.

"Are you okay?" I refused to say anything. When my tongue moved away from my teeth, I kept very still, still no emotions.

"I'm fine, thank you." I lied.

And we carried on with our day. 

* * *

Carl ended up my friend quickly, but I still didn't trust him completely, especially when he went to talk to Shane I followed him, but only because I had nowhere else to go.

I was slower than him, for obvious reasons, so I go to them in the middle of the conversation.

"So you're gonna call off the search for Sophia? Because that's _bullshit._ " Carl proclaimed.

"Watch your mouth."

"Well it is. Bullshit I mean." I said, finally reaching them.

"And what's your name?" Shane bent down as if I were smaller than I was. I stayed silent, because I knew he already knew.

"What's your name?" He repeated.

" _Melanie._ " I smirked and crossed my arms (which was hard with the crutches). Shane stood up slowly.

"Well, Melanie, when you leave, you can talk that way all you want, but when you're with us, keep your mouth shut." I would snicker about this later. I had never had a good parent figure, not even my mom, and here this lying bastard was,  
saying "No! Bad Melanie!" It's funny just thinking about it.

The conversation lasted for a few more sentences, and Shane ended it. "Don't let me catch you talking that way again." I had never wiped the smirk away, and Carl looked upset.

"You okay?" I said, becoming only a little concerned for the boy.

"No. He wants to stop looking for Sophia."

"Sophia was my friend before I ran away."

"There are too many Sophia's in the world for it to be the same one." He turned to me.

"Sophia Peletier was my only friend, believe it or not." He was surprised.

"Cool!"

"Yeah, _cool._ "

And our uneventful day came to an end.


	6. Chapter 6

**Don't you hate when school keeps you from doing the things you love?**  
 **  
**

I put my hair in a braid, wincing as I attempted to comb through it first, and being glad when it was over. As I parted my hair into three sections, I noticed how dirty and greasy it was. It wasn't like you could just hop in a shower these  
days. I wove the strands into a chain, noting how the braid looked disheveled and ratty. _I_ looked disheveled and ratty.

My skin was pale, but you could barely tell because of the healing bruises, blood, and dirt that caked it. There were scratches and scrapes that came from the branches, and my eyes didn't have their beautiful green glow, and instead were  
sad, and sunken.

I turned the faucet on, surprised to see water running, and splashed it on my face, scrubbing softly to sanitize my grimy complexion. I looked a thousand times better when I was done, aside from the contusions and gashes. I had even gotten  
my cast and crutches off earlier that morning. I smiled at my reflection, and I smiled even bigger as I realized that that was something that I hadn't done in ages. I actually think that was my first _real_ smile.

An image flashed through my mind of my hair being tugged and pulled, everywhere I went. At home, in the streets, at school, nowhere I went was safe. "Life." My teachers would say. "Bullying is a part of life." But I wasn't being bullied.  
I was being abused by everyone. It wasn't life. To me, it was. To anyone else, it would have been an alternate universe.

When the images stopped, my face was haunted. Memories of fists, memories of sleepless nights, memories of bruises that tried to heal, but didn't make it very far before a hand met it again.

My smile had disappeared, making me wonder if it was ever even there. The hitting memories brought up the hurtful word memories. _Satan!_

 __

 _Kill her!_

 __

 _She's evil!_

 __

 _Go kill yourself. Seriously._

 __

 _You don't deserve to live._

 __

Every time something like this was said to me, I would pretend that they didn't hurt me, but they did. Possibly worse than the injuries.

There are scissors on the counter.

 _Whose counter?_

 _I don't know. I don't care._

I picked them up.

 _Should I do this?_

 _I don't know. I don't care._

I slipped my fingers through the holes.

 _What are you doing?_

 _I don't know. I don't care._

I held them up to my head.

 _Are you trying to scare people?_

 _I don't know. I don't care._

I cut the braid off.

 _Thank God!_

 __

 _I got my hair from my mom._

 __

I was never going to see her again.

* * *

My new hair was much easier to work with than the long locks. It looked strange to see me with a was surprised about it. _I_ thought it was a big deal, but didn't expect anyone else to.

A few people went out in the woods to look for Sophia, including someone I hadn't met. His name was Daryl. He steered clear of me, but I thought he was impressive. In a way, he was like me, threatening, but he was _more_ threatening.  
If he said he was going to hurt you, he meant it, while I on the other hand would probably say it to frighten you.

I heard some people conversing in the living room. Normally I would eavesdrop, but today, I wasn't in the mood.

At least until I heard the word pregnant.

My eyes widened as I stopped in my footsteps. I held my breath, waiting for a response. I didn't know _who_ was in the room, one girl at least. I tried to remember all the girls' names. _Let's see, there's Maggie, Beth, Lori, Andrea, and another one... The one whose husband- Otis- was killed. Whatever._ I  
seriously doubted that she would be in the mood to discuss something this serious, and plus, isn't there a certain age where getting pregnant is rare?

I released the air in my lungs, and snuck stealthily out of the house. _I can't wait to leave this place._

 __

I looked down at my hands and noticed the scars on my palms. A half smile spread onto my face as I realized what this meant. I was getting better.

I wondered the reason for this. Was it the weight of the secret I had released? Was it the realization that I was actually being cared for for once? Or was it that I had a friend besides Sophia?

Whatever it was, I was proud of myself. 

* * *

An hour or so ago, Hershel and Rick went into the woods. I had no idea why, but I guess they would have let everyone know if they needed to. I was running around with Carl. We tried to stop to listen to what Shane and Lori were arguing  
about, but Lori pushed us away. It wasn't my fault they were outside and in the open.

All of a sudden, I heard a yell. Two actually. One was "Come on, bring it in!" and the other was from Shane. " _What is that! What is THAT!"_

 __

Carl and I ran to the commotion. Rick and Hershel were back. I sucked in my breath when I realized they were holding poles that had lurkers attached to the ends. They were headed towards the barn.

Carl ran to his mom, who tried to push him back, but he wouldn't budge. I got a little closer to where Maggie and Glenn stood.

"What the hell are you doing? They aren't sick! They aren't people!" Shane was flipping out.

"Shane, we'll talk about this later." Rick assured.

"No, we're gonna talk about this now." He pulled out his gun. "Tell me, would a person be able to keep going after this?" He shot it 3 times, hitting the one Hershel had in the abdomen each time. "That's its lungs! Why is it still going,  
huh?" He shot it a few more times. "Fuck this." A bullet went through its head, making it collapse.

It all felt like slow motion from there.

Shane quickly made his way to the barn. He snatched the pickaxe that was leaning against the wall, and starting banging it against the lock.

Hershel had fallen to his knees in shock. Rick was trying to get him to take the lurker from him, but Hershel wasn't looking. A lot of screams and shouts at the same time sounded out. I could only pick out a few of them.

"All this work for a girl that's gone!" Shane.

Carol covered her mouth.

"Don't do it!" Glenn.

" _Hershel!"_ Rick.

"Carl, get behind me!" Lori.

All I did was glare.

The doors swung open, and as Shane backed up, he popped some more bullets. Glenn went to stand by Maggie, who had meandered to her father. She nodded at Glenn, letting him know that it was okay to shoot. Rick shot his lurker, then joined  
the killing party.

I leaped to where Glenn was, who seemed to know what I wanted, because he tossed me my knife. I caught it by the hilt, and jogged to a spot where I could kill them without being shot.

Lurker after lurker was killed. Beth, Maggie, and Hershel had tears streaming down their faces. Lori had Carl down on the ground, hugging him. At last, the lurkers stopped coming. I was breathing hard, and I was holding the knife close to  
my chest. I backed away from the barn, and so did Rick and Glenn. I was almost away from everyone when I heard a shriek.

I turned towards the sound. It had come from Carol. Daryl had her on the ground, holding her tight. I looked to the barn, where two lurkerswandered out.

I suddenly understood why.

Sophia, a bloody bite mark on her shoulder, was one of them. Her hair was short and stringy, and dirty with blood and dirt.

Tears swam in my eyes.

I sneaked a peek at the other one. It had long hair that would be brown, but instead looked black. Her facial features were gaunt. I couldn't tell where the bite was, because every part of her was either covered in blood, or torn to shreds.  
Bile rose in my throat.

And so did a scream.

I sprinted to my mother. She was ruined, but somehow I could tell it was her.

There was a gunshot and Sophia dropped to the ground. Until then, nobody had realized what I had done, except for Carl, who had yelled "Melanie, no!"

Another boom rang out, and my mom fell down. I collapsed in front of her. She wasn't dead yet, only hit in the shoulder, but through my pain, I couldn't see that. I put my hand on her face, and before I knew it, she grabbed my wrist and pain  
exploded in my fingers. I quickly took the knife I forgot I had and jabbed it right through her eyes.

I closed my eyes, and with a shaky breath and tears streaking my cheeks, I stood up. I put my hands behind my back.

"Thank you." I whispered. I ran back to the house. 

* * *

When I was in my room, I wouldn't even look at my hand. This was my worst nightmare.

I finally summed up enough courage to glance at it. On my left hand, half of my middle and ring fingers were gone. I had blood streaking down my whole arm. It scared the hell out of me.

Sobs shook my whole body. I picked up the knife again.

 _I'm going to die anyway, so what the hell?_

 __

I slit my wrist. One cut, two cut, three cut. Three cuts until I figure out a better plan. It was dangerous, but I might live.

I went as close up to my hand as possible. My hands were shaking. My palms were sweaty. I could barely see through the tears in my eyes.

I pressed as hard as I could. I felt it break skin. I bit my bottom lip.

It was going to take more than this.

I started to saw. As I moved it back and forth, more blood squirted out, and more pain was felt. It felt like my hand was being ripped off. In a way, it was, but instead of being ripped off, it was being cut off.

I couldn't hold it back anymore, and I screamed bloody murder as pain cascaded everywhere. I fell to the floor and started to see black.

Before I went out, I saw that my left hand was detached. I heard a banging on the door. I had locked it when I had first come in here. I instantly regretted it.

Finally, the door swung open, and I saw Maggie and Lori run to me.

That was the last thing I saw.


	7. Chapter 7

**I've decided that every month, for one week, I will post a chapter every day (besides Saturday and Sunday). I'm really sorry for not updating very frequently, so this is my way of making it up to you.**

I kept my eyes closed until I couldn't anymore. My wrist was on fire, and I was shaking all over. I felt hands holding me down, keeping me still, for whatever reason. I felt tears rolling down my face, and I was sobbing. I thrashed my head from  
side to side, but then someone came and held that still, too.

Finally, after so much pain, the hands stopped holding me down, and I was free. I sat up as fast as I could, trying to see what was happening to my left wrist. My hand was not there. It was just... missing. I tried to act like I was wiggling my fingers.  
It felt like they were still there, but they weren't. A layer of blood replaced my hand, and a few stitches too.

I couldn't handle it. I stared at my forearm with shock, grief, and terror. A weird mix of emotions, I know, but it was scary, waking up without a hand, and also quite surprising, and the thought of being handicapped was sad.

I layed back down. I was breathing hard, and I couldn't take it anymore. I cried some more. Hard. Silent, but hard. I was starting to see spots in my vision. The agony was blinding. I felt dizzy. I closed my eyes. _Is this what death feels like?_ I  
went out cold before I could think more about it.

* * *

I still wasn't fully concious by the time someone came to check on me for the nth time. I was, however, aware enough to hear them talking about me.

"She's been out for _days._ When will she wake up?" Carl asked.

"Baby, you were asleep for way longer than this. She'll be fine." Lori answered quietly.

* * *

My eyes slowly opened. I looked back down at my wrist, in case there was some miracle that I had dreamed it all, that my left hand was there, and that I was all good. I wasn't, because there was a nub instead of a hand, the stitches were gone, and there  
was a scar running across it. I sighed, my shoulders dropped, and I looked down.

It was like, when I first woke up, I couldn't recall what had happened. It was a blank space. Slowly but surely, images protruded my mind, reminding me. Walkers. A house of walkers. A _barn_ of walkers. Sophia. My mom. My fingers. My knife. My hand.  
Gone. All gone.

I looked up at the wall, my eyebrow furrowed, when the door opened slightly. I didn't even so much as glance at it. I honestly didn't care who it was, or what they wanted. They were going to leave me alone eventually, and that was exactly what I needed.  
To be alone.

"Hey." Maggie's voice rang out in the room. I stared at the wall.

"Hey." I said quietly. I could hear her getting closer to the middle of the room, around where I was located. I kept telling myself _"I don't care. I don't care. I don't care."_ but no matter how many times I had described it to myself, there was  
no getting around the fact that I did care what she was going to say.

"Why would you do that to yourself, Melanie? Why behind our backs? Why did you lock the door? Do you want us to trust you?"

My eye twitched as I looked at Maggie dead in the eye. " What about you, Maggie? Do you want _me_ to trust _you_?"

"I have no idea what you mean by that."

"Of course you do! Remember that barn of walkers? Did you ever think of our safety? My fucking fingers were bitten off however long it was ago, and you're telling me that you have no _idea in the slightest!_ "

"Don't forget that the reason that you're still alive is because we were here." Maggie retorted.

I scoffed. "I cut my hand off, all you did was stitch it up."

"Exactly. If we hadn't done that, then where would you be?"

I stared at my lap. She had a point. I would have bled to death if they weren't there. But I wasn't going to give in that easy.

"If you had thrown me out when I first got here, then this wouldn't even have happened. Hell, if Glenn had just left me out here, nobody would have even known about me!"

"I'm not gonna sit here arguing like a little kid. Oh wait, you _are_ one, so why don't you just talk to the wall about all your problems, while my dad and I go tell everyone they have to leave. As soon as you're good to go, you're leaving too."  
And she stepped out the door, leaving the coldness behind her.

Isn't it funny how I actually find someone I can trust at least a little bit, and I get kicked to the curb?

Well, this is just great.


	8. Chapter 8

The whole rest of the day, I sat on that bed, staring at my hand (I know, very funny), determining where exactly I would go before everyone else was gone. I couldn't stand being alone with just adults, even if they had a parent with them, such as Maggie and Hershel. I mean, Beth was there, but she was still a teenager, and even then, she could still be... untrustworthy. I would know.

I had never had to think about where I would go. I never planned anything. I always knew what I wanted, which was to stay away from dangers, but look where that brought me. To a place where there were so many dangers that I was oblivious to them.

I figured that I would just find shelter somewhere, even if I had to clear out the lurkers (or walkers, as everyone else calls them). It went against basically a majority of my rules, since I kind of wanted to make it out of whatever this hell was alive, and being devoured by the things wasn't going to help with that.

Not only did I contemplate that, but I also got to think more about what Maggie said.

 _If we hadn't done that, then where would you be?_

Where would I be? Not only if they hadn't been there for my hand, but what if when Glenn had brought me back here, they threw me out, or threw me to the lurkers? What if Glenn hadn't even brought me back? What if?

You know what if? I would probably be dead.

I felt horrible for everything I had said to Maggie. Absolutely terrible. I mean it. I didn't mean anything I said. She was right to throw me away like a piece of garbage. I _felt_ like garbage. I had no right to say what I did. If it weren't for her, Hershel, and Beth, I wouldn't even be here. In a way, I was lucky to have just lost a hand, considering that I could have lost a life.

I was so conflicted.

I wanted to leave, but at the same time, I wanted to _stay._ I had never felt that way before. I had finally met people who didn't want to make me feel all the pain in the world.

And it felt like Heaven.

It was nighttime when I had put my feet on the ground. I exhaled deeply and took a few steps, wobbling ever so slightly. I had no idea why, I didn't lose a leg or anything. As soon as I got steady, I scoped out the room. There was a window at 2 o'clock, the door to the left of me, and that was basically it. Nothing I could use to help me get out of the place. I could've tried to open the window, but... one hand. Possible, but hard.

All the one handed business was going to take some getting used to.

I went with the latter, turning the knob to the door slowly, opening it just the same. I turned to close the door, turning the knob before, so no noise would be heard.

My breath caught in my lungs as I noticed who was behind me, sitting on the far end of the couch. Lori's eyes were fixed on me, and I bit my lip.

"Why did you come out of the room?" She said, subconsciously flipping her hair back over her shoulder. I tucked mine behind my ears, the shortness of it surprising me all over again.

"What does it matter? They're just going to throw me out anyway." I said. I tried crossing my arms over my chest, but it seemed as if I was hugging myself to keep myself safe than crossing my arms to look "tough".

"They're not just throwing _you_ out. They're asking all of us to leave."

I stared down at the floor, and bobbed my head. We were quiet for a little bit before I spoke again.

"Are you up because of the baby?"

I glanced up at her, and she was glaring at me. "How do you know about that?"

"I heard you talking about it."

A few seconds later, she gave up with the glaring thing, and looked away. "Yeah."

"Are you okay?" She was acting strange. Like she had a secret.

"Yeah. I'm fine." But I knew she wasn't.

"I know what this is about."

She began with the glower again. "Honey, I'm sure that you don't."

Little did she know.

"You cheated on Rick. You think it's someone elses."

Her nostrils flared.

"Sorry I called your baby 'it'. That's kind've what I was taught that I was. I've always been an 'it'."

Lori stood up, wiping her hands on her thighs. She ran her hands through her hair. "Go lay down," But as I turned to go back into the room she continued. I stared at the door for every word she said.

"Stay away from Carl. You don't want to know what will happen if I catch you." And she left the room, leaving me alone in the living room.

Nice. I lose my second friend, and good shelter in the same day.

What does that say about me?


	9. Chapter 9

I sat in that bed until the wee hours of the morning. I could see the pink and orange canvas of a sky through the window. I stared through that window every single second that I was awake, and since I didn't get any sleep that night, everything outside that window was seared into my memory.

Nobody had come to check on me. I didn't expect them to. They had things to do. I wasn't important.

I had to get out of the room. There was last night, but that just wasn't _enough._ I felt trapped. I needed outside of the house.

But they probably wouldn't let me go out there.

Once again, I glanced at the window.

I told myself that it would be too hard. It would take too much effort.

But who hasn't heard of difficulty?

I practically sprinted to the window. My right hand was shaking, and I was aching to get out of the place. I flipped the latch. I let out a quick breath. I pushed open the window the tiniest bit. I could feel my muscles contracting, my eyes squinting, and a grunt trying to escape the walls of my lungs.

It was way too rough. I couldn't do it.

 _Oh, but I could._

The door swung open, Beth stepping through the threshold. I sighed, stepping away from the window, and it felt like my dreams were crushed, since you know, I've never really dreamed of anything.

"Melanie?"

I sat back down on the bed, my legs swinging, almost hitting the footboard. I looked up at Beth, my face conveying innocence. She smiled wide, teeth showing and everything. I was confused. _Did I do something funny?_ I really didn't think so.

She waved her hand as if to tell me to come along. I stood up, my brow furrowing. I was really confused by that point, and my heart was beating like a drum. I could basically hear it if I stood completely still.

I followed her outside, grass crumpling beneath my bare feet.

 _Well, that was easy..._

I breathed in the fresh air, drawing it into my lungs, and letting it flow out, releasing tension in my shoulders every time. Glenn walked up slowly next to me, and I blinked slowly.

"Hey... Mel..."

I let the teeniest bit of a smirk show on my face. Only one person has called me Mel in my entire life. My mom.

The smirk disappeared.

"Your mom is... uh... buried over there." He pointed in the direction behind the barn, and my head tilted.

My mom was over there. I could say goodbye to her. For real. For the last time.

I sat on the ground towards a stick sticking out of the ground. Glenn had shown me which of the graves was my mom's, and left me be.

"Mom." I said, tears blossoming in my eyes. "I love you. I'm sorry I ran. It was my chance. My time to escape from Dad. This is all my fault. It's my fault that you're here. And I'm so sorry. If you want, and I know you can't answer with words, I'll find a way to destroy him. He killed you. I killed you. I'll know when I can get my chance again. I don't care if he's already dead. I will take his dead body and burn it. I love you so much, Mom. You can't even imagine. I know you're probably looking down on me from Heaven telling me that I need to stop weeping and I need to get over you. You and Sophia were the only people I had. And you're both gone."

My voice was coming out in squeaks. Tears streaked my face, and I let one single sob escape my lungs before shutting myself down. All emotions were gone from my face, and I wiped the remaining tears away, standing up and walking away from my mother's grave.

The last time I saw her face, it terrified me. I'd seen lurkers every day, and yet none of their faces haunted me, but hers.

Her face was ruined.

And it was all my fault.


	10. Chapter 10

Bark scraped my hand as I climbed the tree that was closest to the little white house that I was trapped in for who knows how long. Every time my fingers touched the rough surface of the wood, memories emerged from the back of my mind of every forest that I'd ran through, evry bruise I'd gotten from falling off of them, every branch that I'd grasped, everything.

Once I was sitting on a thick enough sprig, I leaned my head up against the base of the tree, closing my eyes, basking in the bright sun. I wasn't one to notice much beauty in things, but I loved sitting out in the daylight.

I could have sat there for hours, enjoying the vast loneliness, flying deep through my thoughts. I opened my eyes again, the clouds were spreading apart, looking like big fluffy cotton balls in the wide blue sky.

But I didn't.

Lori had burst out of the front door of the house later in the day, looking concerned. My eyes darted in the direction she was going: towards the car.

I jumped off of the tree as quickly as I could, feeling a slight twinge in my knee as soon as my feet hit the ground. _Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to take the cast off so early._

I dashed to Lori as fast as I could, my short hair flying behind me. When I stopped, I was panting. "What are you doing?"

"None of your business." Lori said as she opened the car door, throwing herself inside.

 _Ha. She thought._

I swung open the passenger side door, sitting myself down in the leather seat.

"What do you think you're doing?" She said, staring at me like I was an explosion that had happened out of nowhere.

"Going with you. Wherever you're going must be important, and I want to help."

"No. Get out."

"No."

"I don't have time for this." She revved the engine.

"I'm not leaving." I said, crossing the seatbelt over my chest and waiting until I heard a click. I crossed my arms over my chest, settling myself into the leather. Sure, I was being a brat, but I was telling the truth, I wanted to help.

And, yeah, I was curious too.

"Whatever." She said, glaring at the ground in front of the car. "If you were Carl..."

I smiled, looking to the right, staring out of the window. I had won an argument. For once!

We were on the road. I had no clue where we were going, and it was starting to get dark. We were on a long dirt road, and rocks flew up towards the car. We sat there, Loring driving, me contemplating, for what seemed like hours. No words were said between the two of us. None at all.

I was staring to get impatient. Where were we going? What was taking so long?

I sighed, letting some tension go with each intake of breath.

My thoughts were interrupted when I saw a walker in the road.

I screamed, Lori screaming in unison, as Lori smashed her foot on the brakes. I watched as the lurker flew into our windshield, blood splattering the surface of the glass, making it nearly impossible to see. The car flipped and tumbled, and I blacked out.


	11. Chapter 11

I squinched my eyes, my head was pulsing with pain, and a warm substance was spread across my face. I moaned lightly, opening my eyes until I could see through tiny slits. It was completely dark, aside from the lights that were inside the

car.

I was sprawled in the backseat, in a position that would make my back ache for weeks. Once my eyes were fully open, I took it in the rest of my surroundings. The car (from what I could tell) was flipped onto its side. The windows were shattered,

but the windshield only had a single hairline crack. Walkers were crowded around the wreckage like a pack of wolves would surround a piece of meat.

My heartbeat began to pick up, fear enveloping every breath I took. Every conscious thought I had was ricocheting left and right, and nothing I seemed to think would remain in my head for long.

 _How had this happened?_ I retraced everything that had happened in the car. _Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No words, no arguments, no anything._

Then I remembered the lurker. The singular walker that almost killed me. _And Lori._

My eyes widened to the size of cantaloupes as I glanced around, attentive to where she could have gone. She wasn't in the front, not in the back, nor in the trunk.

The driver side door was open.

A strangled sound of pain and terror escaped my lips. A bruise was covering basically my entire left side, and the blood on my face (which was dangerously close to dropping into my eyes) did no favors either.

I tried to sit up, ever bone in my body groaning in protest. I didn't know what to do. There wasn't a way to get out of the car without being devoured by one of those _things._ A lurker or two were reaching in through the open car

door, and the loud, almost buzzing sound echoed through my mind.

They had taken my knife after I had cut my hand off. I had no clue where it was. There were no weapons in sight.

Tears streamed down my face. _This is where I die. I've had too many chances._

I heard a car rumbling on gravel in the distance. It shrieked to a stop, leaving me with only a glimmer of hope.

The door swung open.

It closed.

Footsteps.

Gunshots.

Walkers fell to the ground.

 _"No!"_

The door was open, not surrounded anymore.

 _Again._

 _Again._

 _Why can't I just die?_

I crawled through the spaces necessary to get through the door. I grimaced, grunting everytime I hit something that was bruised or broken, I couldn't tell.

Shane stood in the space between the two cars.

He closed the space between us in two steps. He grabbed me by the shoulders. He shook me. Asked where she was. I told him I didn't know. He said he didn't believe me, didn't believe _this._ I told him it was the truth. He wiped his mouth

and turned away. I glared.

He got into the new car, leaving me alone in the dark. He rolled down the window, staring at me. Waiting.

I hopped into the passenger seat the same way I did with Lori. As he drove, he asked questions.

"Where was she going?"

 _I don't know._

"Why did you go with her?"

 _I felt like it._

"Why did she crash?"

"Because." It was the first answer I had spoken aloud. He usually waited a few minutes between his words, as if I was going to answer.

We drove until we saw a slight figure in the distance, crossing their arms, walking forward.


End file.
